The Conundrums

Another Chapter in Life

Once again, another graduation…

Today is another special day in my life. I finished my masters program and I made it with cum laude. After so many months of struggle, one semester postponed–I could have finished the study in 3 semesters only but too many things kept me from achieving that. But the question is: what is it after this? Would this help me improve my professional career? Or would this help me develop me personal social life better? Either way possible, I’d take the chance.

But frankly, today doesn’t really feel special or as if it is the best day of my life. The big week started few days ago, and today is simply the ultimate importance of the week yet I feel like taking this for granted. After two years of on and off determination and commitment always brings me back to the purposes of why I started this in the first place. And now I’ve done it and it’s just I lose control, no direction. I feel like taking some days off of work and putting everything together and looking into the opportunities of the future.

People live, people love. People struggle, people stride. People sicken, people perish. Common things most people do, and we really forget what’s the real essence of life. I still can’t find the answer to this confusion, unanswered thought.

Everyone lives so many different lives in their lifetime. People change all the time, to survive, to fit into new environment, surroundings and changing, emerging life. Someone doesn’t have to be in a certain place, someone else wants him to be. Someone can be anywhere he wants; inside the box, outside the box, on top of the box, underneath the box–simply wherever, for as long as we can create our life and really, get what we want. Life isn’t a perfect world for everyone. And it is not perfect for me either…

Life begins, life is going and life ends; a simple analogy to describe a chapter in life. And in between two chapters there is intermission and once can always slow down, walk, stop and think about to see what’s behind and what will be ahead of us. To see and to learn what the past life was about and what it teaches us. Sometime, we just even can’t think about it because our brain is filled with too many things and we just can’t get rid of them. At this point, we might feel hopeless, hollow and hurt. Some people would feel helpless too, just like what I once was.

Our world, is as big as how we see it. My world now is very small, perhaps just as big as my sanctuary room not big enough to contain all what I want in life. I wish it could have been a lot bigger to hold everything I have in my head, at least–so, it’s blocked. And I can’t get out; I can only make it livelier, more vibrant and more happening. To do the things that I have forgotten, the things that I used to love and enjoy doing a lot and they can bring happiness in me.

I must agree with a friend who once said that this year would be another milestone in my life: one because I finished my study (with honor). I still have few months to make this year more memorable and meaningful. My French is getting better. I produce more paintings in the last a couple of weeks. And I start my violin class soon. So, this year will be full of arts for me, including a more productive blog, and probably (hopefully) a book too.

And I’d say, “follow your heart and passion, your life lies there and beyond..”

C’est La Vie: Life Is (Too) Short…

Life is (too) short,

To fear all the time, we have to make a stand and live it through and face it with big heart… to waste what we are capable of doing, change your direction (if we have to) and do what we are really good at… to be somebody we’re not, start loving ourselves and accept whichever things we have in us… to pay off our debts all of our life, cherish what we have and make the most use out of them…

Life is too short to be sorry all the time, to be rigid about so many things, to be introverted to the outside world, to be afraid of what’s going to happen without trying it out first…

As I’ve been thinking about it since years back, life will never be the same if we take control. I know it is not easy for many people. We live our lives, not somebody else. Not even our parents or our family, and not our friends or people around us. I was told by a professor of mine few years ago that it was me who could save and help myself with my life and my future because others are busy with theirs.. I was falling apart, because I couldn’t help myself. I was drowned into the ocean of failure–as people saw it–but I was trying so hard to look at it from a brighter side and to accept the situation. It wasn’t easy for me and I believe it wouldn’t be easy for anyone else if they were in my situation. But I stood on my own feet and moved again…

Life is too short to be “the same person” all the time. Most people might have forgotten what they have been through, I might have too. I forgot how it felt to be a little boy. I don’t remember anymore how I was doing at schools. And I forgot the hardship, the blessings and the awakening that I went through when I took one year break after high school before entering the university. I just forgot how miserable life was for me at that time. Or how bad I felt when I couldn’t finish my undergraduate thesis on time and I had to take 2 semesters break, only to put myself together–to collect all the pieces that were shattered.

What’s in a life? We get sad and we become happy. We are mad and we are upset. All of those mixed feelings give us a random heart. Some people work too hard and forget the real “soul” of their life. Some people mourn for the loss of their loved ones, all of their lives, as if life has become empty without their presence. People become so hollow that they forget that there are still a lot of people around them that still care for them and love them just the way they are.

Life is a mystery. It’s complicated as it could seem. But it could be as easy as flipping our hands upside down or blinking our eyes and suddenly things become completely different.

Life is beautiful for some. And for some other, it gets so rough and unfair that they get tangled wherever they move. Maybe life is meant to be different for every and each one of us. Maybe that happens, so that we will have different stories to tell our friends about, or even strangers that we meet along the way.

Everyone, I believe, has gone through different situations and experiences in life. Some stories told, and some others remain secret. I don’t know where life is leading me into. I will just let faith lead the way, and see what destiny says. I know that everything could be unfinished businesses, and untold stories. But let me make myself clear for now, that I will open myself to any chances, any opportunities, any miracles and any angles that would save me and grab my hand when I’m falling. I’m opening myself to life and surrender in the sense that whatever happens, I will face it and deal with it. And I know, I know that there is no turning back. You go through it or take another route.

Voila, c’est la vie! It is still mystery for me and it is too a conundrum for my soul…

Unleash Our Mind to the Wilderness

Our world is as far as our mind travels.  We have the choice to keep ourselves for our own or give/present ourselves to the world. Each has consequences I believe…

taken and edited from dated February 2012


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