Songs Inspired

I Need An Angel

Dear Diary,

I need a heavenly angel..

Today I have my enrollment for the new semester. This will be my third thesis topic after the last two: environmental communication, intercultural communication and this time I’ll be writing external communication.
I have submitted my thesis proposal to the dean’s office after revising the structure.

This time I would like to thank some friends who have been supporting me to stand up once again, to work on my thesis again after skipping two previous semesters (semester 9-10). So, now I officially enroll for the 11th semester, since the university changed the curriculum calendar for this academic year into three semesters per year, which is to me so accelerative for the students, not all, only for business and communication faculties, as far as I am concerned.

First, for my very good friend since the early days in this university, Nurdin Bashori Afhami, though he is now far away in another city, his constant and spiritual – religious supports are always with me. He sent me messages few days ago. On 27 April to be exact. He said, “self motivation, ultimate medicine, kemurahan dan kasih sayang Allah.” He said that he was in a training with donators and orphans at the main hall of Indosat in Surabaya. He also wished me luck for my thesis. I felt so touched with his message.

He also sent me another long message, to give me more mental and psychological supports. What he said was in Indonesian, but let me paraphrase. “There are many people who fail because they don’t realize how close they are with the success point, look for opportunities to see and look for ways to get it.” “USE THE POWER OF HOPE! There are many people who fail because they lose their motivation, but many people who succeed because they are clever in using their power of motivation. HOPE, HARAPAN or ROJAA’ is also taught in ISLAM,” that was what he said to me; which is very motivating and I could simply agree on it.
Thank you for your motivational messages. You can find him in my Friendster’s friend list.

Another friend is Intan Pratiwi Darmawanti. I informed her when my first writing was published on the Jakarta Post on 24 February ago. I was there carrying the name of my university, as a very senior student. I also informed that to some university’s faculty members and people in the foundation. Anyway, she was very happy with my writing and she also posted a comment on my writing that I personally publish on my weblog. She said that before I started writing anything, I should finish my thesis, as my first priority. She also wanted to hear from me when I have finished my thesis later. Her family also sent regards to me and she also wished me luck. She is the best girl-friend I ever had during my university time and, I think, she will always be. Thank you for your endless supports and your presence when others left me.

Another good friend that I just realized that we could make very good friends is Khatrine Sari Dewi. She worked for IMX with Wimar Witoelar before she decided to work in the university, in the dean of communication office. She’s been there for me. She supports me always. She reminds me to finish my thesis through text messages, emails, calls and also when we meet in person. Her supports are really unconditional to me and I am sincerely thankful to her for being such a great supporter for my thesis. Thanks Khat! She was also very helpful today in campus when I really got big difficulties with the new enrollment procedures, system and staffs.

I was so annoyed with the new procedures. It is good when they are ready with it otherwise that will be big disaster and will disadvantage the students. But, that it was, I couldn’t do much and I went home and took a short nap to calm down my nerves. Thank you for being there with me. I am always thankful everyday for your presence, though sometimes she is also busy with her jobs, she, well I could see, reluctantly listened to me. Thanks anyway and sorry for bothering you most of the time. It’s just because I feel comfortable to be with you and talk to you. I just realized it. She was very sensitive student, now she has changed a lot. You can also find her blog on my friends’ links on this blog.

I also want to thank my ‘UNESCO Club’ friends: Ira Lathief, Leo Mokodompit and Jasmine Sagita. Thank you for being with me so far. I believe that one day we can make it together. Keep up our good work and our fight for our future!

God, I know that I have been away for so long, but You know that my heart is always with You. I will try hard to get back to You, Your love and blessings. I just want simply to finish my thesis, no matter what and no matter how. Please give me Your strength in me to face whatever happens in front of me.

I do need Your guidance and Your assistance, I also need an angel. Please send me angel down right now to hold my hands, to show me the right path to walk, to guide me and to assist me. I am lost now.. I am walking without direction and the wind could easily blow me here and there and make me go nowhere but here..

I know that I have some friends who could accompany and support me but they can’t be with me always, they can’t always be around, but You, You can be with me always, to keep me from going off track. Send me an angel to me, to be with me..

God, please give me a sign when an angel has come down to me..

I also want to share this song with you; I need an angel by Ruben Studdard,

I’ve run out of answers
I’ve run out of time
And I’m so confused that I’m losing my mind
It’s gonna take a miracle to help me this time
I’m traveling a road that has not one sign

Help me…
Have mercy on me…
Set my soul free…
And let the bell in my heart ring…oooh
This is my cry, hey, this is my plea, ya see

I need an angel
I’m calling an angel
Send me an angel down

I’m carrying a load that’s too heavy for me
Have no where to go so I’m down on my knee
I’m trying to see the forest but there’s this one tree
Can’t understand why I’m sinking so deep

Help me (Help me Help me)
Have mercy on me (Won’t you have mercy on me)
Set my soul free, and let the bell in my heart ring
This is my cry, this is my plea

I need an angel (I need an angel)
I’m calling an angel, send me an angel (Send it on down)

Here me now

I need an angel (I need an angel)
I’m calling an angel, send me an angel (Send it on down)

Oooh something inside me
Telling me the morning will come (Morning will come)
Yes it will
Oooh sometimes it’s hard to face the truth so we run (We run)
God if you care at all
Please don’t let me fall by the wayside (Oh no)

Please be my guide, would you light my path…
Take me , Shape me, Mold me, Change me, Teach me, Fill me, Save me

I need an angel (I need an angel)
I’m calling an angel, send me an angel (Send it on down)
I need an angel (I need an angel)
I’m calling an angel, send me an angel (Send it on down)

I know it’s gotta be some kinda
Angel out there for me
Send an angel down right now
Send an angel down right now

taken and edited from dated May 8, 2008

When You Believe

Dearest Diary,

I have been busy with my thesis writing, time is coming close and i haven’t made any significant progress. i have been depressed a little bit, trying to get out of this cuff but i just couldn’t let myself runaway. this is my final obligation before i can receive my undergraduate title, i understand it completely. but since this is my third topic, i felt a little bit bored and upset, also sorry for myself and wondering why i couldn’t have finished that earlier. i  blame myself for this, somehow; as i don’t have anything or anyone to blame, though i know that it wasn’t completely my faults; there are also external factors.

i hate this, i have to struggle all by myself, figure out the best way to get myself focused on this assignment. it is not that easy. i don’t know why. i try to pray to God, but it was not so easy either. i am confused. i have no one to talk to in here. people, families and friends whom i thought i could rely on and talk to, also thought they could help me out here, they are simply gone, forgetting about their promises and vows. i’m here all alone, just myself.

yet financial concerns force me to work to earn some money, as i don’t receive anymore supports from my families. it is to support also my thesis research, to buy some text books for the references, to travel for library research and consultation. it is too complicated. yet, i also still have to pay my school tuition. i really have to turn my head all around to look for the easiest way to earn a lot of money with little time to spend. i know that i will still receive some money from my side jobs, but i don’t know when they will be paid, everything is so uncertain. the problems keep coming, one by one, but people keep going also one by one-leaving me all alone. i know that’s the nature.

i have been trying hard to get myself closer and closer to God, as the only escape – my only savior…

anyway, i know also that i still have a little optimism inside, that i can use to hardly go on to finish my thesis, i know that i m pretty close to it, i don’t want to stop or quit now. otherwise there will be no point to go this far, don’t you think?

all i need now is a miracle. there is one saying mentions, “if you want a miracle, be a miracle.” it means i have to be a miracle for myself. i still believe that somehow, i still can be, though i know that it will be very hard for me to do and to be, but i will try.

this reminds me of a song, ” when you believe” i used to cry when i listen to this song as it gives me strength also the song, “you raise me up” i think it is again about out closeness and acceptance of God.

i feel better after this paragraphs. thank you for listening and reading, also understanding my absences these days.

my thesis submission will be on july 18, and the examination will be from july 21 – august 8. i will do my best for this, not for anyone but myself. I hope I can make it this time..

Here is the song of “When You Believe” by Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston

Many nights we’ve prayed
With no proof anyone could hear
In our hearts a hopeful song
We barely understood

Now we are not afraid
Although we know there’s much to fear
We were moving mountains long
Before we knew we could

There can be miracles, when you believe
Though hope is frail, it’s hard to kill
Who knows what miracles you can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will
You will when you believe

In this time of fear
When prayers so often prove in vain
Hope seems like the summer birds
To swiftly flown away

Yet now I’m standing here
My heart’s so full I can’t explain
Seeking faith and speaking words
I never thought I’d say

There can be miracles, when you believe
Though hope is frail, it’s hard to kill
Who knows what miracles you can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will
You will when you believe

They don’t always happen when you ask
And it’s easy to give in to your fears
But when you’re blinded by your pain
Can’t see your way straight throught the rain
Small but still, resilient voice
Says love is the relief

There can be miracles
When you believe
(Lord, when you believe)
Though hope is frail
(Though hope is frail)
It’s hard to kill
(Hard to kill, Ohhh)
Who know what miracles,you can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will(somehow,somehow, somehow)
somehow you will
You will when you believe

You will when you
You will when you believe
Just believe…in your heart
Just believe
You will when you believeeeeeeeeeee

taken and edited from dated June 8, 2008

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