Peaceful Home

Being Home

Staying at “home” for the rest of our life or traveling around and build new “homes”.

What is it about being home? I think it is a matter of “feeling home” or at least how we twist our psycho-emotional notion to feel at home no matter how far we travel and how we build the new places into our new homes.

Some people and a lot of people never travel. They never even got out of their home towns, islands, countries in their lifetimes and they feel happy with what they have. Some people feel uncomfortable to put all the time, so they seek for ways to get out of their homes–their comfort zones. They journey across the sea, thousand miles away from home, find a place where they call it home. But some who travel a lot, tens and hundreds of thousands of miles sometime feel exhausted and bored of not having a settled home and they decided a place where they could feel home. Sometimes, these are not the point. I have been to all of those state of mind, state of being-home. I think I have become more adaptable to new places however long I’ve been traveling and staying in my current home.

Being home could possibly be portrayed like a snail. Wherever a snail goes and however far snail walks, snail brings its home with–the shell. In the human being term, it could be “ourselves” with our characters and personalities; but the most important thing is the self-acceptance, which is to understand and to love ourselves. I believe, this kind of attitude will help us adapt and feel like home, wherever we are. Another analogy would be that the shell is the half of our soul. I think, this could mean deeper than this. I am just outlining the point on the surface.

I understand that the concept of “being home” is too hard for us to understand. Someone wants to settle down and the other wants to adventure more. Remember, that the two complete each other and they are “home” for one another. This is the point. We could travel or we could stay, but if the “home” is always around, one will feel comfortable to be with. And this is what I call home. Moving around could be home for many, but staying in would be home for a lot more.

Home is where our heart, mind and soul lie, it is not where our body is.

I know that you have a home that you have built for so many years. And I really have no idea how I could buy you a new one or how I could build a better one. This seems so difficult and I feel uneasy about this. Once, twice and several times I thought, I would give this up because I just can’t make it. I can’t build you a new and better home, I can’t give what you have been building. But I know that I could give you my heart, all my love and a new life and an opportunity for us both to build a new and better “home” together–you and me.

Am I Dreaming?

Everything looks beautiful and sunny days feel so real.

But I feel something is not right so I start pinching myself, biting my arm skin, soft-slapping my cheeks and pulling my hair. I feel hurt but things seem to be artificial: am I dreaming? I try to reconcile with the situation, with the memories and the recollection but the most important thing is with myself. I know that everything is real and I am not dreaming!

I am not dreaming because I feel the pain and it hurts inside. It feels like my heart is squeezed and is shrinking. I can’t bear the pain. The pain even feels so real that it can’t be surmounted with any cure. I want to let this go but it wants to stay. This isn’t fair. Why would I always feel this way the time when I think that I have everything I need; the time when I don’t want anything else but to hold this dream dear to my soul. Now it looks like all the good things come to an end.

The more I try to see another good thing that may come, the more bad things I see darkening the shed of light ahead of me. The instrumental music play makes me feel more suicidal and it makes life become so hopeless–no future, only a dead end. And I end up finding myself burst into fresh flood of tears, in a position where I have to cling to things or let go of them. It really hurts.

I think this is how I always feel when I love something but I can’t have it and I am so powerless to fight to get it. And I can only feel sorry for myself that I could only cry and bear the broken arms. May be it’s only in my mind but that’s what seems to be real. I am wasting my energy crying and I turn my great emotional investment into miserable emotional imbalance.

This is like loving someone without having him/her and all we’ve got to do is let them go back to their life. The life in which they can be happy, they can be enriched and they can move on. Always bear our pain without causing anyone else to feel the same way we do, let them feel happiness not the sadness we deal with.

Yes, this is just a dream. I have to wake up and get back into reality and move on because the long journey ahead of me awaits me to sail the ocean of life to get to the next destination, where we could have better idea of who we are. Life is in a way too precious to be wasted, to be who we are not or to make someone else someone who they are not.

Now it’s time to rest and see which one is a real thing: am I dreaming or realizing that I just was…

At Peace with Myself

Being at peace with ourselves is not that easy; “easier said than done’ also applies to ourselves..

A lot of people still have difficulty in understanding themselves no matter how long they have been learning and understanding themselves, even if they have understood about themselves, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they could be at peace with themselves. It is also about self-acceptance, which most people have difficulty.

Accepting ourselves is a good start where we could explore further about ourselves. It might have slight difference with compromise, but we’ll somewhat compromise with ourselves if we have accepted who we really are–without wearing any mask, and without telling the world world that we are not wearing mask–through good and difficult times.

Self-acceptance is the key to a light and easy life, I believe, because then we’ll unconsciously spread the ‘positive’ energy it creates to our surroundings: people around us and the environment we’re living in, to every sphere of our lives. on the other hand, self-disacceptance will spread ‘negative’ energy to everything and everyone around us. Positivity will automatically recorded in us and it’s reflected in what we’re doing; step by step we will reach completion.

However, as only human being, we also still have other emotional elements such as anger, anxiety, nervousness happiness and sadness. These feelings will definitely affect on how we control our peaceful-selves and the positive-negative energy we reflect onto our actions. But, when we feel that we react badly towards certain things, try to get out of ourselves, cleanse the negativity quickly and grab ourselves wholly to positivity–take control of ourselves and take a very deep breath and exhale..

Being at peace with myself gives me more reasons to be happy, optimistic and excited although I can’t always do this at all times, I’ve been trying. The environment and surrounding we are in and the people really affect our abilities to do so, but keep doing and believing and try as hard as we could possibly do to be at our peaceful state of mind.

After all, being at peace with ourselves and positivity will keep us calm and enable us to do things better, in terms of better process that we could learn from and better outcomes that we could be proud of…

taken and edited from dated April-July 2011

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